Action Adventure

Dennis Scriber’s recent activity on BottomsUp: The World’s #1 Beer-Rating App

Pure Bliss Milk Stout

Authentic West Brewing Co.

3.7/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 5:34 p.m.

Thick and creamy with hints of toffee on the back end. Velvety mouthfeel. I drank this one on the bus to the mall. Not many other passengers. Either the driver didn’t notice I was drinking a beer, or he didn’t care.

Pill Creek Pale Ale

Bad Dog Brewery

4.3/5

Beer rated on Friday,

April 19, 6:22 p.m.

Floral notes with a crisp finish. The brightly-colored can looks like an energy drink, so the clerks at Home Depot didn’t suspect a thing. I bought a cool Zippo lighter on sale and stocked up on butane.

Sailor’s Delight IPA

Left Coast Brewing

4.5/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 7:37 p.m.

Big hop flavor up front, followed by hits of grapefruit. Managed to slam two of these bad boys in the change room at Walmart. Good spot to dump the empties from my backpack too.

And yes, I shop for clothes at Walmart now. Can’t afford stuff at the swankier stores anymore, so cheap running shoes and track pants it is.

Double Funk Dunkel

Crazytown Craft

4.8/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 8:19 p.m.

Just a nice, richly flavored beer. Probably should’ve made more of an effort to hide the bottle as I scavenged the food court for newspapers. Got a few dirty looks.

You know how hard it is to find actual newspapers these days? Damn near impossible. But not quite as impossible as trying to compete with an AI program that makes your customer support job obsolete. Trust me on that.

I can relate to newspapers. They’re my friggin’ kindred spirits.

Jamestown Imperial Stout

Farm River Brewery Co.

4.7/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 8:57 p.m.

Bottle makes one helluva projectile. Just the right size to hurl at the security guard yelling at me to leave the mall.

“No, you’re upsetting the children.”

Little kids shouldn’t be out this late anyway, amirite?

Whatever, kick me out. I’m done shopping for the night.

Oh, and the stout had notes of caramel and hazelnut.

Blue Ribbon Scotch Ale

Southside Beer Works

4.8/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 9:37 p.m.

Noticed I’m getting loads more followers.

You’re all judging me, aren’t you? Sitting there in your fancy hipster bars and condos. Just scrolling through the BottomsUp app without a care in the world.

Well, you will have cares. Lots and lots of cares. Automation is a bitch, and it’s coming for you, just like it came for me. But I’m not gonna sit back and take it.

You know what the BottomsUp HR guy said when he gave me the pink slip? “Think of this as an opportunity, Dennis.”

So that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Thanks for the tip, Phil, you condescending bastard.

Good mouthfeel. Bold caramel flavors.

Janky Juice IPA

Midwest Craft Co.

4.9/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 10:47 p.m.

Well, shit. I actually did it.

I turned the bottle from this citrusy, well-balanced IPA into a Molotov cocktail using all that butane and newspaper from the mall. Then I hurled that sonuvabitch through the window of the BottomsUp corporate office and ran like a squirrel with its tail ablaze.

Sure, I’ll get caught–cameras everywhere downtown. But someone had to take a stand against the tidal wave of automation sweeping the world.

Yet considering my job was the only one “automated” at BottomsUp, maybe it wasn’t quite a tidal wave. More like a genteel splash.

And now that I think of it, Phil might not’ve used the word “automation.” He might’ve said “altercation.” Likely referring to that run-in I had with the FedEx guy. 

I hear sirens.

Sunrise Sour Ale

Colossal Brewing 

5/5

Beer rated on Friday, 

April 19, 11:24 p.m.

To my 450,000 new BottomsUp followers–I love you guys. And I appreciate all the supportive comments you’ve been leaving on my reviews.

                Why are you doing this?!!?

                Please get help!

                How hoppy was that IPA?

Yet as I crouch here behind an alley dumpster, waiting for the cops to find me, I realize I’ll be taking a hiatus from this app. But not forever. 

They can automate (maybe?) my customer support job, but BottomsUp will still need influencers like moi to haul in new users. And influencers can demand a pretty penny.

Pennies that I’ll sorely need whenever I get outta jail.

Looks like they found me. 

Sharp, bitter flavors upfront that turn sweet and satisfying on the finish.

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Author Bio

Dustin Walker is a Canadian author of crime, horror, and comedy. His short stories have appeared in Shotgun HoneyThe NoSleep Podcast, Mystery Weekly’s Die Laughing anthology, and other publications. He also took first place in Flash Fiction Magazine‘s quarterly writing contest in 2021.

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