I wake to the sound of bleating. What the fuck? While still half asleep, I crawl out of bed at–what–2:36 am? I grab my phone and the Swiss Army knife I keep on the bedside table and lumber down the stairs. I make as much noise as possible to scare any […]
Goats in the Boiler Room Read More »
“…Travellers ne’er did lie, though fools at home condemn them.” (William Shakespeare: The Tempest; Act 3, Scene 3) D aphne and Ari pulled up at the recharging station next to Conway Convenience Store. She said, “While you charge her up, I’ll pop in for an iced peppermint cone. D’ya want one?”
Daphne and the Driftwood Read More »
A woodsman gave me a ride for the last few miles. He was surprised to find a young woman on the mountain path. “You’re a student?” he said. “From Piarista gymnazium,” I said. “Where the witch burning happened last week,” he said. “Awful stuff.” We passed through small settlements; the path wound up through the
O ne day after writing a blogpost reviewing a movie, I was sent a cease and desist letter in the mail. It explained that I’d used too many exclamation points in a piece of “published writing” that I hadn’t paid for. They included an address where I could pay for eight out of eleven exclamation
Grammar Black Market Read More »
W hen P-XIE refused to justify her surgery, the reporter asked if it was so she could marry a fish. Her publicist cut the interview off. But that became the story. Pop Icon Gone Fishing: Are Real Men Not Good Enough for P-XIE? Three months later, on a sun-soaked Saturday afternoon outside Saint Louis,
Popstar Mermaid in a Trash Storm Along the Mississippi Read More »
D avid loved untaxed Bauhaus steel. Especially when it was at a Vancouver 6.7 percent discount. If he included the security envelope with fifty one-dollar bills, the total cost of two coffee tables, a new kitchen table, and matching bedside lamps was $9,650. Sure, his five-year-old daughter, Elise–who he’d coached not to say a word
For the Love of Fries Read More »
T he first smiting we saw was Trevor Wolfson on the local weather channel. His job was mostly to point at the radar and look polished. Then he was smashed in front of everyone, just like that. The whole town saw it, too, because that day, a satellite storm spun
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